My Gay Teacher Is Winning An Award On Broadway During Pride Month… (and why I’m sobbing about it)

This Pride month, for my annual long post about something that means so much to me, I wanted to celebrate and acknowledge a teacher that has had such a special impact on my life who is being awarded an INCREDIBLY deserved honor at the Jimmy Awards on BROADWAY. 

He told me that he’d won the award at the stage door after he’d come to see me in West Side Story to support me as “Maria”, more than five years after I graduated! The rush of tears that came to my eyes upon hearing this news reflected how long I’ve wished for him to receive such an award, not only for his great teaching style with high school theatre students, but the way he’s made so many students feel seen, heard, and accepted.

And I gained such a wonderful teaching experience that blossomed into a special friendship with only one year being his student.

The years before Mr. Fillingim came to Reagan to lead the Theatre department, I’d been navigating the Fine Arts halls as an openly queer student. Even as late as 2014-2017, I was made to feel alienated, excluded, overlooked, and … outwardly harassed by both students and teachers. It felt like every good thing I did or decision made on me was followed by a big ol’ “But”. I still question why I decided to openly hold my high school girlfriend’s hand in the halls or stand by my decision to be proud of my queerness, despite the disapproval I called upon myself. For some reason, even with how deeply I valued my career, future, and success, I felt that being authentic to who I was and what I believed was a priority I could not reduce. And even though that caused so many confusing, painful feelings, I am so grateful that I did.

The year that Mr. Fillingim came to be our program director, I remember the buzz around his name. Kids who’d found him online showing off his Facebook profile picture, featuring his husband and family. I remember being excited, but still a little mistrusting of the educators around me. But when he came to school and began getting to know us, it was like a breath of fresh air. It felt like the first time I was recognized fully… with not a “But,” but an “And”. He saw both parts of me: The hard-working girl who would put as many hours as I could in the black box to perfect an audition *and* the queer girl that I was both in that room and in the hallways. It was the first time I felt like I didn’t have to hold my breath when it came to talking about my experiences, my struggles, my feelings, and who I was.

Auditioning for Mr. Fillingim felt like singing a song, not going to battle.

And he believed in me, openly. He gifted me with opportunities in roles that I would excel in and that would challenge me. He gave so many students their first leads in a production, giving them the chance to come out of their shell and shine. As a theatre educator, casting is one of the most delicate matters that he clearly put a lot of care in to. He was a safe space to work on our craft as well as talk openly about who we were, and be met with kindness, joy, and laughter. He helped me with the overwhelm of college auditions, filming last minute audition tapes when other schools didn’t work out, and even helping me get accepted into a state-school’s program even after they’d close their auditions when I learned I couldn’t afford out-of-state tuition.

Suddenly, it felt like this rain cloud that’d been following me for years had finally cleared. I didn’t quite understand what it was then, but looking back at journal entries and private social media posts, it is so abundantly apparent how much happier I was my senior year.

He became the first openly gay role model I’d ever had. It was so comforting to see that this space that used to bring me so much pain, fear, and anxiety, now felt safe because I finally felt like I had someone on my team. And through his authenticity and passion, he not only made the students feel so comfortable and supported but also brought Reagan theatre SO many incredible honors, opportunities, and awards!  That year, I slowly began to feel more and more acknowledged, trusted, and accepted by my peers and teachers. He showed me and the rest of our community that you can be happy and successful with a beautiful family as a gay person. That gay people can be talented, hard-working, and victorious.

Without Mr. Fillingim believing in me and helping me suddenly regain the belief in myself, I honestly don’t think I would still be performing. As melodramatic as it may sound, he helped me feel like I wasn’t a waste of space and that I was worth investing time in. I feel confident as a performer, an openly gay person, and a human being. Looking back, I can now see why it was so important to me that I not adjust who I was in order to succeed. If Mr. Fillingim didn’t walk into the classroom as boldly authentic and proud of who he is, that school and its students might’ve not gained the representation it so desperately needed.

I am now so lucky as to be Mr. Fillingim’s honorary babysitter to his BEAUTIFUL babies, Q and Lyric, and have a wonderful friendship with him and his delightful husband, Shawn. I am so grateful for every time they see one of my shows, or that I get to see him and his family thriving… and for all the times we accidentally stay up til 3am chatting about the latest broadway news, movie releases, hilarious anecdotes, and our ever-changing queer culture.

I could not think of a better way to recognize him and the work he’s done for me, Reagan high school theatre department’s success, and SO many fabulously talented students than to honor him with the 2024 Inspiring Teacher award at the Jimmy Awards on LITERAL BROADWAY!! ARE YOU JOKING?! If tickets didn’t sell out immediately, I would’ve flown out and been right there watching live!

He really is an inspiring teacher in so many ways, and I am grateful for not just mine, but for all of the minds and lives he’s changed.

I want to so deeply thank Cameron Duggins for being kind and bold enough to nominate Mr. Fillingim and express so vulnerably the reason that he did. Cameron said it best: Our stories aren’t unique. But having a teacher like Mr. Fillingim is.

-JJS